we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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