she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize