ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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