dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
