Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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