Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
