I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
