i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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