we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
