I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
