Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
