Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
