Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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