i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
