I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
