Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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