is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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