Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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