youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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