so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
