i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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