Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
