She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
