her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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