I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
