I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
