I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
