Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
