I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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