bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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