WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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