Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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