Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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