mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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