please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
