oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
