Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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