I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
