it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
