Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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