idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
