Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
