Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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