i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
