So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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