Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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