I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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