If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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