Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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