dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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