Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
