my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
