Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize