You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
