Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man

(423): View more from Tennessee

1:48 am: your uglier

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(330): View more from Ohio

All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"

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(435): View more from Utah

she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?

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(940): View more from Texas

You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.

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(714): View more from California

i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.

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