I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
