and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
