every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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