I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
