Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
