I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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