youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
