We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
