Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
