I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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