so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had to cum in my sink.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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