Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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