she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
