$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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