I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
