My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
