if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
