Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
