he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
