the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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