Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
