i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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