At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
