I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
