honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
