you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my being single is dangerous.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize