sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
