At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
