Your tits are I can't wait for
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
