Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
