and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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