Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just pee around me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
