I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
