I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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