nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
