Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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