i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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