Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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