I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
