porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
