R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
