I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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