things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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