i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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