I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize