I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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