true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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