i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
