You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Found the puke drawer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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