I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
